With the title, you may think I'm talking about religion, but as of right now I do not believe in eternal purgatory when it comes to the afterlife. On the other hand, I do believe in it when it comes to love and relationships. My Crazy Bonkers Twin sent me a really beautifully written message comparing love to a fire, it made me tear up because it was so well done and so true, it's that post that inspired me to write this, most likely bitter, post about love. (Also had a conversation with Logic about the movie he was watching about some cheating married couple. And also a frustrating conversation with my one ex.)
With my time off from school and closer to the end of the semester I have had lots of time to think about my life and basically everything in it. Including jobs, my future, my exes, and my dad. The two former are what have me pretty rattled right now, to the point of rage eating a bag of express rice. Yeah.... That pissed!
So the first stage I listed was heaven. This stage is what I think may be the best stage, happy and stable and just in a really good place. I'm not only talking about relationship love, but any type of love. That's really all there is to say about "heaven love."
Then there is the purgatory stage, this can be before or after the heaven phase and also doesn't have to be in a romantic context. This is the stage that you don't really know where you sit with the other person, or in fact where they sit with you. For example, if it's post heaven than the love the two of you shared may have crashed and/or burned and you've given yourself lots of time, but now you just don't know if you can be anything or risk being absolutely nothing. I think this idea was inspired by my ex, I have no idea where he sits in my life, I'm cool with being friends and true love never really leaves you but sometimes you have to focus on yourself and what's best for you, but it's not like you want to completely get rid of that person. And then there's his side of things which I completely don't understand: he says he completely loves me even after just over a year (apparently it was a year on April 27) and that he's never gunna get over me but there's this girl that he's basically using to make himself forget about me and wants to ask her out, talk about purgatory. I just don't flipping understand!!!! I don't know if purgatory is better or worse than love hell.
Then there is hell. He'll is kinda obvious, it's when everything blows up I your f***ckin face and nothing is good about the relationship between you. All trust is gone and you don't see any possible reason to even talk to the other person, let alone, get back into some sort of working relationship with them. This is where I am at with my dad, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over what he did to me and my family. It's just complete hell every single time I start thinking about him again. I'm just gunna stop for now before I break out in tears (that are either angry and/or just plain brokenness.)
But yes these are the three levels that are on my mind right now and it's just frustrating the heck out of me. And this blog post hasn't actually made me any less upset so I'm just gunna quit for now. Thanks for sticking it out, love you guys.
All my Love,
University Girl ;)
P.S I am gunna have to figure out a different name to sign off as. I won't be in university next year.
