Day in the Life of an Aspiring Trophy Wife

Hey everybody!!

Long time, no chat my faithful followers! So I've decided on my new career choice..... A TROPHY WIFE!!!! Just kiddin guys, I only say that when I sped too much time on how I look just to sit around my house and do nothing all day. So my life is kinda random right now. I have a job spraying herbicides, play lots of rugby (Go Gold Digger$) and just went to the doctor today to see what I should do about my depression and anxiety. I have to get blood work done, get therapy, have a prescription and have to go back to see my doctor in two weeks. So I'm not sure how this is gunna go, but I'll keep ya up to date. Here's my GDATW (Gold Digger Aspiring Trophy Wife) picture of yesterday: (notice the leopard print leggings.)

Love y'all ;)

Sincerely,

Your Favorite GDATW ;)

Mini Wheats and Infidelity

Ok so I just need to rant quick, and it's probably really stupid, but I can't stand the blueberry/ strawberry mini-wheat commercial!!!!!!! I'm not sure if you know what I'm talking about but it starts with this cartoon blueberry singing to a mini-wheat about how much it wants to be with it and then this b##ch a$$ strawberry pops up saying how she wants the mini-wheat too.... what's the end solution??? oh, the mini-wheat with just take both the feminine berries for itself. Now, I know it's just a cereal commercial with a catchy tune, but I honestly think it's a perfect example of what is wrong with the media and advertising. First, this teaches kids absolutely nothing about making decisions or sharing.Second, it says that the mini- wheat can have whatever it wants and the berries are just happy to be with the stupid chunk of frosting-covered wheat crap!!! It bothers me that in this commercial the min-wheat is a male and the berries are female, making it seem ok for men to take and have more than one woman as well as showing that the women should be ok with it as long as they get to be with the mini-wheat. Every single time I have seen this advertisement on the tv, it makes me very angry. I don't appreciate the messages being displayed in this advertisement that is aimed at children (cartoon, catchy song, etc.) or having to witness it myself. okay, rant over, for now. 

Night all and much love,

Some Girl ;)

P.S testing new ways to sign off. oh and here's a link to the commercial (well a youtube video of the commercial):
: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuJAoBMGwms

Heaven. Purgatory. Hell. And Everythin in Between.

Hey all,

With the title, you may think I'm talking about religion, but as of right now I do not believe in eternal purgatory when it comes to the afterlife. On the other hand,  I do believe in it when it comes to love and relationships. My Crazy Bonkers Twin sent me a really beautifully written message comparing love to a fire, it made me tear up because it was so well done and so true, it's that post that inspired me to write this, most likely bitter, post about love. (Also had a conversation with Logic about the movie he was watching about some cheating married couple. And also a frustrating conversation with my one ex.)

With my time off from school and closer to the end of the semester I have had lots of time to think about my life and basically everything in it. Including jobs, my future, my exes, and my dad. The two former are what have me pretty rattled right now, to the point of rage eating a bag of express rice. Yeah.... That pissed!

So the first stage I listed was heaven. This stage is what I think may be the best stage, happy and stable and just in a really good place. I'm not only talking about relationship love, but any type of love. That's really all there is to say about "heaven love."

Then there is the purgatory stage, this can be before or after the heaven phase and also doesn't have to be in a romantic context. This is the stage that you don't really know where you sit with the other person, or in fact where they sit with you. For example, if it's post heaven than the love the two of you shared may have crashed and/or burned and you've given yourself lots of time, but now you just don't know if you can be anything or risk being absolutely nothing. I think this idea was inspired by my ex, I have no idea where he sits in my life, I'm cool with being friends and true love never really leaves you but sometimes you have to focus on yourself and what's best for you, but it's not like you want to completely get rid of that person. And then there's his side of things which I completely don't understand: he says he completely loves me even after just over a year (apparently it was a year on April 27) and that he's never gunna get over me but there's this girl that he's basically using to make himself forget about me and wants to ask her out, talk about purgatory. I just don't flipping understand!!!! I don't know if purgatory is better or worse than love hell.

Then there is hell. He'll is kinda obvious, it's when everything blows up I your f***ckin face and nothing is good about the relationship between you. All trust is gone and you don't see any possible reason to even talk to the other person, let alone, get back into some sort of working relationship with them. This is where I am at with my dad, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over what he did to me and my family. It's just complete hell every single time I start thinking about him again. I'm just gunna stop for now before I break out in tears (that are either angry and/or just plain brokenness.)

But yes these are the three levels that are on my mind right now and it's just frustrating the heck out of me. And this blog post hasn't actually made me any less upset so I'm just gunna quit for now. Thanks for sticking it out, love you guys.

All my Love,

University Girl ;)

P.S I am gunna have to figure out a different name to sign off as. I won't be in university next year.

Life Choices and Happy Meals

Hey everybody!

So this blog post will be exactly what the title says it will be about: blog choices and happy meals. I feel like happy meals are the less important of these two subjects so that is what I'm gunna start with. Roomie and I just got back from McDonald's where we both had happy meals and got some kick ass toys. I know you're thinking, "but University Girl! It's after 4am! Why would you go at 4am????" Well we didn't go at 4am, we actually left at just after 3am, so it's not as bad, we just stayed because there were a couple babe-licious University-looking guys also at the McDonalds. hahaha and to answer your original question.... we went because I was starving!!!!!! DUH!!! But I guess that's what I get for only having a grilled cheese with tomato for dinner. :P This timing was probably not one of my wisest life choices though as I have a very long day ahead of me once I wake up, in approximately five and a half hours (have to meet up with a couple people from drama to finish a script around ten thirty, class at twelve thirty-five and then prison ministry from six fifteen until nine thirty-ish!!!!!!!) AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But that serves as a nice segue into my life choices portion of this blog post......

Ok so it's about the time of year where us University students are registering for next year and figuring all of that out, but here is the thing..... I really don't know what to do next year. The school I go to is super duper expensive, but I love it, but Crazy J and a couple of my other friends most likely won't be coming back and idk if I really want to either. I was talking to a really good friend of my mom's, who is like an aunty to me, (let's call her Frostie) about all this and she really helped me sort through all my feelings about this upcoming year. The more I think about it, the more I realize I am only attending University for three main reasons as of right now and those three reasons are: 1.School is all I've ever known so it seems logical to continue it (and I really do find a couple of my classes super interesting.) 2. Pressure- whether it's from my mom or just what everyone else expects me to. and 3. Obligation- and this is the biggest problem I have. I am realizing that all those times when I was debating whether to go to school or not and all of that my biggest factor in the decision that I made was that ever since I got this vision of the shelter I want to introduce I have felt ridden by guilt at the even thought of doing anything else with my life and Frostie helped me to realize that I can't let guilt, obligation, expectations (by myself or others), or anxiety should be major factors in what I decide to do and that I still have lots of time to figure it out (I'm only turning twenty this coming June!!!) So the more I have been thinking about all this the more I realize that although classes are interesting and the extra curricular activities I partake in are absolutely amazing.... I just feel like I'm tied down to University and the more I think about moving out and into this city, getting a job or two and really exploring and researching different organizations and options the more excited I get, the less anxiety I feel pushing down on my shoulders, and the more free (as well as less constricted) I feel. And the more I realize that I need to stop living my life the way everyone else expects and wants me to and more for myself (making choices that I won't feel tied down to for the rest of my life.) Although the thought of trying to find a place to live and a job and moving away from my family and hometown scares the $hit out of me, I feel like I will also feel more free to really explore who I am and who I want to be as well as taking in new experiences that I have always wanted to do, such as running the "Run or Dye" and volunteering at the Fringe Festival! I still have to talk this out with my mom and figure out whether it truly is what I want I feel a lot of weight lifting off my shoulders already. Wish me luck and/or pray for me!!!!


All my love,


University (for now) Girl ;)

P.S thanks for sticking with me and my silly little blog everybody who is reading this :)

Some New Ramblings

Hey there readers!
So... I have no idea where this blog post is gunna go, I just feel like rambling and that I haven't been keeping y'all up to date, and that's unfair. Ok... I'll just start typing anything that pops into my head about my life lately.
First of all, I went home for the weekend and actually had a super good time, thanks to my crazy bonkers twin. :) We had a super stereotypical girls night and it was wonderful! We went out for supper with a couple of our friends then the two of us went back to my house and did face masks, toenails with foot massages, listened to music, talked about boys, read Cosmo and 17 magazine and drank some pina colada breezers.... SO YUMMY! Oh and then once we had fallen asleep I was talking in my sleep about how I thought she was upset and I actually woke her up, but she didn't realize I was sleeping so she got super worried and wound up waking me up. After that we wound up not being able to fall back asleep until about 7:30 because I kept rambling about "Peches and Pers" ( like peaches and pears but in that ermahgerd sort of way!) as well as rewriting the song roar so it was about penguins instead and sayin "YEAH BOYSSSS!! a lot! haha yeah.... I was a little more than a little bit overtired.
So there is one thing I haven't really talked about in this blog at all.... until NOW! and that is that I absolutely have no feelings for Smiles anymore, we even have bible study, prison ministry, and class together and I feel absolutely nothing for him, there was absolutely no connection between us, that's what made me having such a wild crush on him so absolutely ridiculous! But you guys kinda already knew that, here's the news.... I found someone who I actually do connect with, it was almost instantaneous. It all really started when we saw each other at a bar we were at and just started dancing together, he got my number from a friend of his after we had left and well... we've been talking ever since. He wrote me a super amazing poem, I read it all the time, but I can't show you guys, I was specifically told I couldn't show anyone, not even Crazy J! But yeah... you guys can trust me, it's beautiful. We've hung out a few times since then, always during the wee hours of the morning and we just sit and talk, well he talks, I mostly just laugh a lot. He actually mentions how all I do is laugh almost every time we hang out haha. He's probably one of the most intriguing people I've ever met, whenever one of my friends asks me what he's like that is the first word that pops into my head.
Oh another thing I can talk about is this poem I wrote the other night when I was lying in bed, it's not perfect yet, but I'll let you guys in on my second draft:

Can't Sleep. Too loud.
The melodies of my life have become the silent screams for help,
 accompanied only by the pounding of my battered heart against my ribcage.
Here I lay, in the burnt foundation of the truth I had built up around me.
I toss and turn as I desperately grasp for
any comforting piece of what had once existed.
A piece of happiness, of family, of peace.
It all seems so unfamiliar, so alien, so ancient to me now.
I sit up and try and build the ashes around me into
something recognizable, but all I get is burning eyes,
stinging with tears as my dreams fade into the rubble.
Too Loud. Can't Sleep.

There, that's it, still a work in progress, but I really like it so far. :) Ummmm I think that's all I gotta say for now. I love you all!

Sincerest regards,

University Girl ;)

A Fine Frenzy

Hey there guys, so here's the thing.... I'm completely addicted to this band called, "A Fine Frenzy," especially their song "Near To You." It's absolutely beautiful!!!! Like I pretty much can't handle the perfection that is so prevalent in this song! The beautiful simplicity that makes up the piano in the background and the marvelous lyrics that are so true and full of emotion. This song affects every one of my feels and hits me deep inside. It's a song about a girl who left a guy she loved because she knew it would never work and then she finds this guy and she feels like whenever she is near to him she is healing, she's asking him to stay by her side while she heals until she can return back to who she was before. I have legit been listening to this song on repeat for a good hour. I even texted Roomie and told her if she wanted to learn it on the piano I would sing it with her..... yeah it's that perfect, she agrees that it's a beautiful song as well. Sigh.... such beauty in a short four minutes, it's overwhelming actually, I have been layin on my bed, hair hanging over the edge, just staring at the ceiling listening to, and singing along with this amazing song. I should be working on various reading reports and questions that are due in the next two days, but I can't bring myself to do any of it, this song has complete control and all my focus. I discovered it by accidentally clicking on a different song of hers on Youtube last night, I had never heard of her, but I was immediately intrigued. Everyone needs intrigue in their lives, intrigue gives a new perspective and sense of curiosity, it's completely refreshing and puzzling all at the same time! Ugh, I'm going to do some more thinking now.
All my love,

University Girl ;)

It's Been A While.....

Hey guys and gals!!!
 I apologize for the absence of posts lately! I have wanted to post updates multiple times, but every time I go to post something I get way too many thoughts in my mind to the point that I'm overwhelmed or I rethink what I am about to post and I shake my head and debate whether or not I wanna share certain things that have been on my mind!!!! They are super secretive and idk if y'all are ready for it!  That being said, there are generic things that I really don't mind talking about, so I'll start with those and see where it goes and whether or not you guys get to know these secrets!!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alright, anyways, we just got off our Christmas break and started second semester here at my University so I suppose I will start with how my break went. My Rock Awesome friend back home had her 19th birthday so we went to our local bar, which was pretty fun... well as fun as that bar can be anyway. It was fairly entertaining when one drunk guy kept taking his shirt off at the beginning of the night before getting kicked out and having this girl he was with start punching the giant security guard that was there and also being taken out of the bar. I got to have lots of alone chill time at my house over the two and a half week break, which was actually so good, I finally didn't constantly have someone in the same room and only had to clean up after myself, GLORIOUS!!!! haha. I also got to chill my Crazy Bonkers Twin a lot and got to see my friend who now lives in Texas and chill with her family, who I absolutely love and adore! It was pretty great! My new year's was spent with a few friends joking and drinking and watching infomercials! Oh and a few days before that I got my friend who loves to do beauty stuff to dye my hair and now it's purple! I absolutely love it, I've been told it suits me, but at the same time I feel like it's a completely new side of me! (in a good way.) Those are the main highlights of my break, not super exciting, but surprisingly great!
Now that we're back at school I have a whole new semester to look forward to! The main difference between last semester and this one is that I'm taking drama and not history! I had no idea I missed drama this much, it completely energizes me and I love it!!! YAY DRAMA!!!!! haha. Another difference is that Smiles is in one of my classes, theology. He's kind of a giant distraction because he sits between me and where the prof stands to teach, I'm gunna fail that class! haha jk.   Lion's Den is making a bagel and keeps talking to me, sorry to those who are waiting for my post! Ummm anyway I think that's all I will talk about for now! NO secret reveal for now!!!!!!
Thanks for reading!
All my love,

University Girl ;)