Tired of It

Ok so first I'll start with saying I'm super excited for Christmas and singing Christmas carols at 937 today brought back lots of memories of singing at the hospital in my town every year as well as a couple of my teachers in junior high singing jamacaiian style "go tell it on the mountain." 

That's good stuff, but I'm actually just really pissed right now. (Sorry for any bad language in this post.) Because I'm so sick and tired of these bullshit guilt trips and manipulation!!!! For example, I'm pretty sure my "father" has just decided to make it a tradition to lay a good old Christmas guilt trip on me.... NEWS FLASH JOHN this is exactly why I still haven't talked to you!!!!!! Another example, my effing roommate guilted me into taking her to McDonald's at one in the morning (an hour ago) when I had already informed her I was tired and in a lot of pain!! Her answer was that she was hungry and if I didn't drive her she would just drive herself, after having a couple drinks tonight and not actually being allowed to drive due to the fact she should be wearing a knee brace!!!! Ugh!!!!!! I'm just so done with these guilt trips! If I wanted to be manipulated I would have stayed with my ex!!!!!! And if i wanted people to make me feel like shit i would just resume talking with my "father's" side of the family because they do a damn good job!!!!!!!!!! i sure as helldon't  need it from anyone else, i've got enough guilt tripping and manipulation in my very own family, I don't need it everywhere else, thank you very much! I generally don't like talking about myself but if these people asked how I was doing every once and a while it would be effing lovely!!!! Ugh ok rant over. 

I'll end with something both funny and awkward.... Last week I had four nights in a row where I dreamt about making out with lions den!!!!!! So weird! Also he's generally the person who wakes me up so he can borrow my card to get food so I was instantly forced to transfer between a dream where I was making out with him to actually having a normal conversation with him haha I'm just glad I haven't had those dreams in a while!!! Also I am thoroughly enjoying all my chill time with Crazy J, when it's just me and her, we have lots of rants and such and it's all great good fun! But that's all for now folks!

Sincerely,

University Girl ;)

Words

Take a minute to think about just how many words you speak in a day!!!! Now, how many of those are really necessary?

Signed,

University Girl ;)

Ugh... Happiness

I'm gunna get straight into this....

So basically I'm just frustrated with other's happiness...... Roomie got a new boyfriend.... she's happy, which is great, but it's all she talks about and they are always together. She rubs happiness in everyone's faces, its kinda like how often she brings up cancer, except positive... I guess. Normally I wouldn't be this frustrated, but I'm still trying to fight against this depression stuff and am still very, very single (single isn't as bad as the depression, I don't really have time or emotional energy for a relationship, but still, c'mon!) As for the depression, I cried a lot last night, like until I fell asleep, then Roomie woke me up, at whatever time she finally got back to our room, just to tell me about how wonderful her night was, tell me all about how happy she is, and how excited she was that her and her new boyfriend were official. Shoot me in the face, please. I also got kinda grumpy cuz this boyfriend of hers is one of the guys I talk to occasionally and we are kinda friends, now its super weird to talk to him, cuz he's dating my roommate, ugh. This is gunna be very difficult and long for me.

Also I was texting my crazy ex today wishing him luck in the military because he enlisted on thursday, then he was somewhat of a dick and also said two creepy things. Ok so the way he was dickish was that I said I cared about everyone and he said i have a funny way of showing it (referring to how I haven't talked to him) and that two creepy things were 1) he mentioned that my name in his phone is still the nickname he had for me when we were dating... Special K. and 2) after saying I don't care, he said oh and "P.S. You still look beautiful... Saw you driving in town last weekend." Sweet intentions, but so creepy!!!!!!!! Ugh! Anyway that's all the ranting I can do right now.

Sincerely,

University Girl ;) 

***Place Original and Witty Title Here***

Hey all you crazy readers of my blog!!!!

Let me start by saying I apologize I have been depriving you all of the wonderful updates about my life lately, I am a very busy young lady!!! For example, at this moment I should be studying for my psychology midterm, which is tomorrow, and/or writing my five page essay that is due in english on Friday!!! But, seeing as Stud and Crazy J have both pointed out I haven't done any blog posts since Halloween, I figured I would take some time out of my super-crazy-busy life to talk to all of you...... you are welcome! ;P There have been many things stirring around in my heart and mind lately, things that I still don't really have a grasp on and I've been thinking and feeling them for weeks!!! Ugh!!! #thestruggleisreal! So I'm just gunna list a few things that I may or may not elaborate on that have been spinning through me: my ex, my priorities, how I constantly feel too old for my age, school stress, financial stress, Jesus things, and this thing called cardboard testimonies.
 I will start with the last of the things listed... cardboard testimonies, many of you probably haven't heard of this, I know I hadn't before today. Basically, a cardboard testimony is when you write down some sort of struggle in your life on one side of the piece of cardboard, and on the other side you write down how God brought you through that. I bring up cardboard testimonies because there was a post on our residence page on facebook asking for volunteers to do a cardboard testimony for chapel next week, I watched a video about them and then decided that, although it was way outside my comfort zone, I was gunna do it. I messaged the person organizing it saying I would love to take part then started thinking about what I would write, I watched many cardboard testimony videos to kind of get an idea of how people presented theirs and each video brought me to tears. Throughout thinking what I was gunna do for mine, I came up with multiple ideas, this also kinda made me cry a lot, reflecting on all the hurt and then on all the ways God saved and redeemed me. At 937 tonight I continued to reflect on different times and my hand was drawn to a spot just above my chest while I worshiped, I have decided to share this story with you all and give you a glimpse of some of the dark times in my life.....
Late in the month of May of this passed year I found myself sitting on my bed, completely emotionless, wishing for my old mirror that I used to cut myself with, but I had thrown it away. When I get in this state I feel absolutely, not anger, not sadness and definitely not happiness. I was texting three of the people closest to me and even their plees to stop me had absolutely no effect on me. I was looking around my room and spotted some rusty scissors sitting in the holder attached to my lamp where my broken mirror used to sit. I couldn't stop myself, I picked them up and clutched the sharp portion hard in my hand, I called my best friend, but even her talking me through it didn't work, I was still completely numb and all I could feel was the sharp scissors, I hung up the phone after talking to her for a while. The feeling of the scissors in my hand had worn off so I took them and put the point lightly pushing into the space just above the center of my chest, then I felt it, the cold metal putting pressure on my chest, I felt something so I kept going. I pushed them in a little further and I felt that too, the dull pain spread through my entire chest as I applied more pressure, but then m body would stop registering the change in pressure I'd lean into it a little further or I'd twist it slightly and the warmth would again cascade through me. It was like I was covering myself in a security blanket, it made me feel something when nothing else did and it eventually calmed me down enough that I put the scissors down and I fell asleep.
I went through these situations many times and they were very hard and dark times in my life, I still fight this darkness occasionally, but God is working inside of me and helping me and saving me. One thing I didn't mention in this story was something about when I used to carve words into my legs, God protected me, I never bled or seriously hurt myself, when I was throwing it away I realized that the corner I had always attempted to use was the dullest corner of the mirror and it was almost impossible for me to cut myself on it. This was an example of a time where God protected me without me even noticing. So for my board on one side I may write, "Broken, Invisible, Cutter" and on the other side I will write something like " Restored, Redeemed, and Healed."
Lately, I have been extremely stressed about a lot of different things and I really am trying to work on trusting God with it all and realizing that none of it is in my control, but I am still stressing. My main stress right now would have to be financially, I am completely running out of money and having a really hard time finding a job. I have to make an appointment with the finance lady here at my University, just to attempt to figure out how I will possibly be able to afford another semester here, not even thinking about how I'm going to afford the next five years of my schooling! These financial problems are a giant weight on my shoulders that really make it difficult to completely enjoy each day. Another stress is school itself, I'm so set on doing well that it is absolutely crippling my mind and my spirit. This quest for knowledge and good grades is really overwhelming me and, well yeah just really overwhelming me. Another thing I'm somewhat stressed, but more just confused about is priorities, I've been very hesitant to blog about this as I know that Stud and Crazy J read this blog all the time and it's something they may see as completely ridiculous and weird, but here goes I guess, as my best friend says... "yolo right?" I should probably explain what I mean when I say I feel older than my age, this is in regards to my priorities and where I'm at in my life, compared to other people my age. First of all, I am completely sick of bars, I actually am finding that I really can't stand them, while everyone I know that are my age are complete bar stars! People my age are also generally focused on the here and now, maybe getting a career started or just moving out to get some independence, and a few have school as a top priority, what they are generally looking for in their lives is a casual girl or boyfriend, or just a new party spot and new friends. Here's where the seeming insanity comes in on my part, I'm totally ready to have a serious, Godly relationship with someone, I'm ready to settle down into my life and, if it wasn't for the fact that I am only in my first year of university, I would be all for starting a family with a significant other, I'm done with the partying and with the physical casual relationships, but this is definitely crazy, I'm only 19 and not even in a relationship and have no real perspective significant others. It definitely drives me insane.
 Last thing on my list is my ex. I really do miss him as a friend and want to help him, but I know that any relationship between him and I would now be very harmful to both of us and I know we will never get back to the point where we are completely set on planning a wedding. This makes me incredibly sad. My best friend informed me that he told her that he will be coming to the city to enlist in the army tomorrow. To be honest I don't know if I'll be more disappointed if he comes to try and see me or if he doesn't, my stomach is in complete knots and I'm pretty sure it's just gunna explode either way. Stud says he wants to really hurt my ex for all the bad things I've told him he's done to me and I really appreciate the thought that Stud would stand up for me like this, but honestly I feel horrible for my ex, I know he's still really upset that I left him and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I wanna to slap and punch him so badly, but at the same time I just wanna help him, which is something I know I can't possibly do. I know if he was to show up that the look in his eye would absolutely break my heart, which is something I really can't handle right now.
So these are all the things that have been plaguing my mind, my heart, my stomach, and just my whole life. Thanks for sticking with me and reading all of this! I love you all!

Singing off now,

University Girl ;)

Happy Halloween Ladies and Gents!!!

HEY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S HALLOWEEN!!!!!! WOO!!!!! I was so pumped for tonight haha!!! I did up ma weave and ma makeup, got ma grad dress on, and put a really pretty mask on then just partied it up hehe. My university had a talent show and a dance that were both pretty fleepin awesome! Crazy J and I rocked the heck out of the dance :P!! We were just leaving when we heard Soulja Boy come on, so we stopped where we were and started crankin dat thang hahahahaha which was super fun and we got some funny looks, but then.... just as we reached the elevator doors and were waiting for them to arrive we continued dancing like crazy people and jumping around in circles and stuff, I jumped around and saw Smiles walking towards us hahahahahaha talk about embarrassing!!!! (P.s if you haven't guessed my last post may be slightly inaccurate, I am not able to get over this guy that fast hah.) But anyway, I had been dancing the night away, not really doing anything embarrassing and didn't see him all night, then two minutes in to a ridiculous dance.... of course decides to show up!!! goodness gracious! So, I get back to my dorm after the dance and chill around for a bit, take some selfies with Crazy J, then she leaves and I figure out there is no comfortable way to sit in my too-tight-corset-back dress that I am now stuck in if I don't get any assistance, but I lost Crazy J! So I wound up, unlacing my own back with one hand, which was very tricky, in order to get out of that crazy tight, but awesome, dress! So I did a quick change into a potential outfit for going out for Roomie's 18th b-day tomorrow and went into Stud and his roommates room to get their opinion, only his roommate was there (we're pretty cool with each other) so I asked him if he thought it was a good choice for the club tomorrow and he said "yeah, looks good, I'd tap that," hahaha then we started awkwardly laughing cuz it was so strange and I said I was just gunna walk out of the room and pretend that that didn't happen haha. So many awk moments today haha, oh and Stud called me by my roommates name!!!! How ridiculous is that????? Ouch Stud, Ouch! But I think I will go see what movies everyone is watching! I'll catch ya on the flipside folks!!!

Much love,

University Girl ;)

here is a selfie of Crazy J and I! Enjoy ;)

Craziness!!!

Well hey there!!! 

Crazy J has been yelling at me daily for not writing any posts lately and I am super wide awake and have obtained the blogger app on my iPod so I don't have to be on my laptop to blog!!!! Ok guys, I got some seemingly sad news, essentially, I have given up on Smiles, he's way to out of my faith league and I feel if we ever got together it would just go badly because of how different our views and experiences are. I suck at pursuing guys anyway, it's not super sad for me, just don't see a point in going after something that would so obviously not work out. I still think he's super cool and good looking, but i could never see anything happening between us. An example of this is last Friday night haha.  

I had an absolute blast on Friday night!!! Went out to a club with Crazy J and a couple guy friends and had an absolutely amazing time, I got completely wasted, but it was super fun and I was basically worry free and just danced and talked to random funny guys and just had an all around good time, and I'm pretty sure Crazy J had a pretty great night too. ;) she has definitely earned that code name!!!! 

I have been spending a lot of time on Skype lately and I have decided I have a love-hate relationship with it haha. I obviously love it because I get to see and talk to people I don't get to see very often, (like my mom, my best friend, and a couple other people that really mean a lot to me)  but I hate it because it makes me miss them and want to actually be with them way more than I realized!!!! I miss my crazy bonkers twin so much and  I just can't wait to give her a giant hug, but I have to until Saturday when we both go home!!!! And Skype also makes me realize I miss chillin with my mom, which she is coming to visit on Thursday so I'm super excited!!! Makes me remember all the good times I had with people I didn't always think were necessarily my friends and makes me try and wish certain people back into my life. 

The last one really has me twisted and I know what my crazy bonkers twin will say when she reads this, but I gotta get it off my chest. I have been skyping this one guy that I've known for so long and he's been my best guy friend for years and when I talk to him and see him smirking at me it gets me wishing for the old times and wishing that him and I could somehow work out long term, but we both know it could never happen because he's a very independent guy, who doesn't always make the right choices, and loves to spontaneously move and travel to wherever he pleases, while I am mostly a stay in one place, settle down, attempting to make good choices kinda girl. I'm the only girl who had ever made this tough guy nervous and he's the only guy I've never been nervous around. That seems like something special, but the differences in our lifestyles and choices are far to great for anything to ever work out in the long term scheme of things, but we do have the deal that if neither of us are with someone when we're 40, we are getting married. This deal will most likely be forgotten though and it all just seems so.... tragic to me I guess. I know this seems like I'm writing some cheesy tragic love tale, but in reality there is always gunna be a place in my heart for him and I know that's never gunna change. 

I feel like I need some girl talk haha I'm sure ill wind up talking about all this with my crazy bonkers twin when I go see her this weekend cuz I know she has some stuff she needs to talk about to. Ill also be planning a girls night slumber party type thing for all us girls who are friends to get together and just be typical girls. hahahaha. Well that's all for now folks, I'll keep in touch!!

All my love,

University Girl ;)

Tea, Cookies, Chocolate and..... Loneliness?

Hey all you blog readers!!!

I'm super bored so I'm just gunna ramble. Crazy J, Logic, Crazy J's not-so-secret-ex-lover, and Roomie are all gone to other places today and I think Stud may be too. All this makes me very sad, lonely and bored, thus why I am "enjoying" tea, chocolate and cookies.... alone. I think once I am finished with this post, I may just curl up on my bed and watch some Die Hard!!! Yay! Too bad I have no one to enjoy it with. :P Random thought: Smiles is doing something new with his hair and it is definitely working!!! Stud was right when he asked if I meant the guy with the sexy blonde hair. haha. But, anyway, I'm so bored this evening, it's like I don't know what to do with my life, I don't really have many upcoming assignments and I'm done with this round of midterms.... it's definitely a strange sense of freedom mixed with the realization that I have no social life haha. #bloglife! Tomorrow will most likely consist of me attempting to keep myself busy by attending all the different sports games tomorrow, probably by myself, unless I find someone I know who is going... that would be lovely! Maybe, I'll see if Smiles is going ;) spend some quality time together ;) ;) hahahahahahahahhahahah I'm so funny! It feels weird putting winks beside that, because he seems almost untouchable because of how into God he is, like I feel if we were ever to happen (which will never happen) I would just feel weird and it would be completely different than my other boyfriends. almost like he's out of my spiritual league, you know what I mean? and also I'm a horrible person to watch sports with cuz I get way too intense and into the game, especially when it's a sport I've played before... which is every sport this school has haha. I suppose this is where I'm gunna end this post, for now, maybe I'll add more later, after  Die Hard!!!

Love you all,

University Girl ;)

Now Let Me See You Zumba!!!

HEY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So.... Crazy J and I went to zumba tonight, super fun, but not so wise decision. haha. All I ate today was a muffin and a salad, and I definitely didn't drink enough water, with my potassium deficiency  and with how easily I become dehydrated, working out on an empty stomach is a really horrible idea! I was good right up until ten minutes before it ended, we were doing the cool down stretches and I started not being able to see straight and all I could really hear was a ringing in my ears, which are indicators that I'm about to faint if I don't sit down. Luckily I made it to a water fountain before that happened though! :) Up until that point, Zumba was actually really fun, I got to shake my hips and such a lot, which you may know is definitely my favorite way to dance!!! The steps were fairly easy and Crazy J kept making me laugh with all the silly faces she was pulling haha. At one point we were shakin it around and like turning in circles and as I was turning around I saw someone picking up some boxes from a table in the back of the room and kinda laughing as he left.  Of course, Smiles, of all people would be the one to walk in when I'm doing Zumba haha lookin ridiculous and sweaty! I'm just hoping he didn't spot me!
But hey guys.... GUESS WHAT TOMORROW IS!!!!!!! IT'S WEDNESDAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOO WOOO!! I love me some Wednesdays haha. But I gotta go now, sorry for the short post tonight, but I thought Zumba was very blogworthy! Oh and Crazy J and I decided we are gunna apply at the Boston PIzza down the street! yay!!!! Anyway, I gotta get started on a rough draft outline for an English paper coming up!

All my love,


University Girl ;)))) ;))))



Oh and don't forget, there are only two rules in Zumba: 1. You have to sweat. and 2. You have to smile!

Thankful :P

Hello All,

I just wanna start off by saying how incredibly thankful I am for my crazy bonkers twin bestie!!! She's just the bestest ever, I know we fight a lot and sometimes we make each other cry, but I know I couldn't do it without her beside me and that she's been like a second parent to me at the same time as being the best friend I've ever had and the sister I never had! So thanks my incredible gorgeous brown eyed baby girl!

I started this post like that because she helped me fight tears tonight without even being in the same city!!! I was really sad about some stuff that I found my mom had written that was really really sad, as well as being extremely worried about her going to nova scotia today to support her psycho, mentally unstable, abusive ex when he goes to his uncles funeral, as well as being super stressed about money and figuring out where and how I'm gunna work so I don't go flat broke!!! Needless to say, I'm fairly stressed. Being so stressed and kinda feeling like I was gunna cry, I picked up my favorite teddy bear and we sat on my bed and looked out the window at my view of the city for a bit, cuz that's what we always do when I'm sad. Then I wandered over to Stud's room and silently chilled with him while he organized his papers and read a book, I just kept hiding my face behind my teddy so he couldn't tell I was secretly crying the few tears that I couldn't hold back as I texted my crazy bonkers twin, telling her what was wrong. Then she told me that she kik messaged me some pictures to my ipod, so when Roomie entered Studs room I quietly got up and left to check them, still fighting tears. I got back to my room and opened up kik on my ipod, I started scrolling through all the pictures and I can genuinely say they made me smile, she always knows exactly what to send t lift my mood right out of the valleys!!!! This being thanksgiving weekend, I want to repeat how thankful I am that this incredible girl is in my life!!!! She's saved my life so many times, and nothing can tear us apart!

All my love,

University Girl





p.s on a totally unrelated note, I think Logic may like me.... awk.

#bloglife

hey guys,

First of all, let me explain that the title is only #bloglife because I have no idea what to call it and I'll prob just ramble for a bit anyway!

TBH I miss having a boyfriend, not any of my exes in particular because I know all those relationships ended for good reasons, but I miss having someone to run up to and just kiss when I'm super happy cuz that's what I like to do, haha but the thing I miss most is just having someone to cuddle all the time! Goodness I miss cuddles :( I can't even cuddle my crazy bonkers twin cuz I'm here in University and she's back home (best sick and sleepy cuddles are from my bestie!!!!) But ya, legit I just wanna cuddle.... like all the time!!! I usually just wind up leaning my head on people a lot if I'm sleepy or cold and I don't think Stud or Crazy J mind, if they do they haven't said anything haha. Lots of the time I just wanna curl up in someone's arms though, cuz when I lived back home I had access to constant cuddles between my now and ex and my crazy bonkers twin, I always had someone to cuddle, then I moved here and I got nobody....sigh! Cuddles are obviously one of my favorite things, cuz they are so safe and warm and its like no bad things can reach you, but whatevs I'll just cuddle when I visit my bestie or when she visits me! Wow I said cuddle a lot in that paragraph. haha.

Moving on..... I really have always wanted to learn how to do different ballroom dances, I bring this up because Stud was displaying all his ballroom dancing skills last night when we were chillin with Crazy J! He had way too much energy and showed us a bunch of different dances, using his sweater as a dance partner. I'm definitely debating making him teach me how haha he said he would today, but I don't think he actually meant it. Maybe I'll just tell him he owes me because of how often I help him with theology and how much food and such he takes, hehe. Crazy J and I are also looking into pole dancing fitness classes because it looks like so much fun, if only it wasn't so expensive and/or I wasn't so broke. haha we'll prob wind up doing it eventually. It shall be a grand and wonderful time!

On a side-note, I feel like God is really stirring up something in my life, I haven't really mentioned it before cuz I have no idea what it is, but there is definitely something amazing coming my way!!!! I'll keep you posted blog land, but I have class in 7 hours and I prob shouldn't skip so I'm hittin the sack! Good night everyone :* mwah!!!!

All my Love,

University Girl ;)

Walkin' On Sunshine!!! :D

ok, so, I should definitely be studying psych for my midterm tomorrow, but I am in way to good of a mood not to BLOG IT UP right now!!!!! hahahahahaha  
ya know how I have said that Wednesdays are my completely absolutely favorite day of the week???????? WELL IT'S STILL TRUE!!!! Chapel today was really cool and wonderful, it involved pictures of cute babies and a new way of doing communion and someone doing the moonwalk... I know you're completely jealous that I got to go and you weren't there!!!! Alpha was also super cool, we talked about the cross and about forgiveness, which can be a very difficult subject for me because of my difficulty with J. Doe. but I still thoroughly enjoyed the talk and then something crazy happened at the end of the meeting! Backstory: usually when I enter or leave a room/meeting/class/service I kinda glide in and out unnoticed by anyone.) but, here's the crazy thing, I got up to leave cuz it was over and everyone was talking so I decided it was time to go, but as I left I felt a hand on my shoulder, and heard a "have a good night, Carly" and it was the student leader of alpha who interrupted the conversation he was in, just to tell me to have a good night! I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but it definitely shocked me cuz I'm used to being invisible, I suppose. And guess what else I did today???????? 937!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!!! The worship songs were super amazing and the talk was on not keeping material things as numero uno in your life, but letting God come first, then we wrote things we were thankful for on a couple pieces of poster board, I wrote "funny faces+ laughter", and then they threw candy at us, which of course I got hit with multiple caramels, one actually dented itself when it hit my foot. Then after, Logic and I helped point out caramels to Smiles, who wound up with about a dozen of them!!! Then Logic and another guy left so I just chilled and talked and hung out with a guy from Bible study, a guy off my floor and Smiles!!!! It was absolutely wonderful and I basically danced and twirled and smiled myself back to my dorm room, where I obviously turned on "Walkin' On Sunshine" and just jammed out by myself, with one of the biggest smiles ever on my face!!! Then sat down at my laptop and just started typing!!! Stud took a break from studying to come get some juice and he obviously figured out why I was so happy and we air high fived cuz I told him I'm blogging! haha yay for dubfs!!!! Also I gotta share stuff with you!!! Stud has also decided that he is gunna be my father figure so I guess I'm going to have to figure out how to get married without dating, as that is one of his rules for me, I'm not allowed to date until I'm married...... I still dunno how that's gunna go, someone, I think it was crazy J, said that means I'm gunna have an arranged marriage? Stud, you're gunna have to help me out here. haha. maybe with that guy you said made your heart skip a beat when he SMILEd at you????? hehehehehehe jk...... or am I?????  haha idk what else to say in this post, it may just be the longest one I've typed!!!! :O
 That's all folks!!!
all my love,


University Girl ;)

Perfectly Deceived

The title of this blog post comes from an English project I did in grade twelve, some friends and I made a movie where nothing was as it seemed and everyone was leading some sort of double life, I think this describes my university experience so far fairly accurately. The people I thought would be my besties... well turns out it's not what I expected. One unloads her sob story of a life to everyone she talks to and is constantly reminding everyone of her hardships to the point where nobody wants to hear about it anymore and it drives me crazy! Part of her story is how she has a job, goes to treatments, AND is taking six classes so the typical reaction she gets from people is one of awe at how hard she works and how strong she is, in reality I know she is constantly calling in sick to work, she skipped her last treatment and she never goes to class because she manipulates her teachers into feeling bad for her and constantly giving her extensions and not caring that she doesn't show up to class. I am constantly fighting myself because of how unfair this is, I am here busting my a$$ to get the best marks I can get as well as trying to serve and keep up with my faith life all while fighting to keep my depression from re-entering my life, but nobody feels bad for me because a) I don't want them to and b) I don't go putting my hardships on display to get attention and pity from everyone around me! Ugh!!! She's driving me crazy! And then there is the one person who I thought "hey maybe I'll get to be really good friends with them and we can be there to help each other out or chat or whatever." I was wrong again, guys! :/ This person just uses me for quiz answers and the food in my cupboard, they don't really give a damn about what's going on in my life, especially if this person's friends are waiting or they feel they have something better to do or maybe I just bore them, who knows? Needless to say I'm trying to build friendships with people who actually seem to care and just sit in my room wishing for a couple of my old friends from back home, I miss them so much, at least back home I knew who was there for me and who had more important things. Needless to say, my depression isn't getting much better, but I am fighting it still cuz I refuse to let these people drag me back into that seemingly eternal dark valley of self harm and hatred. I can't go back there. Anyway, that's gotta be all for now, I have lots of work and studying to do, I'm in the middle of midterm season! Wish me luck and prayers are appreciated!

Sincerely,
University Girl

You Know I'd Walk A Thousand MIles....

...... If I could just see you...... TONIGHT!!!!!

Hahaha oh man, I'm hyper!!!! I was having a pretty decent day, history was incredibly boring, but that's to be expected! hehe and I always enjoy psychology so you know it was wonderful! :) I'm quite enjoying the blog life!!! I had a badly timed nap though. haha :P It was at like six oclock and I definitely didn't plan it, but I cuddled into my blankets when I was cold and kinda passed out! Whoops :P I woke up like an hour later, but its ok cuz now i'm writing this blog post for all you lovely readers, yay me! haha ok ummm so I got some news today, my one guy friend (who actually kinda forced making out on me and other things but then I forgave him so we're ok now) got kicked out of residence!!!!!! that's insane and now he has to find a new place to live!!! I'm sure he'll be ok though :) Anyway I missed my d.u.b.f today!!!! It was so sad, no university day is complete when I don't see Stud! But, guess what!!! He came back tonight, haha he was clearly surprised at how excited I was, but my day just didn't seem finished until I got to see him! and also my crazy bonkers twin bestie is coming to stay in my dorm this weekend!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I love my besties! They are wonderful! Also, my other buddy Crazy J helped pick out an outfit to wear tomorrow so that makes me feel great cuz tomorrow is Wednesday and Wednesdays are my absolute favorite!!! Cuz they are my busiest day which can also be my most overwhelming, but I totally love it!!!! I will definitely most likely be doing a blog post tomorrow after 937!!! WOOT WOOT!!! i'm hyped right the eff up!!!! I've had so many hugs today and I love it! other than that my day has been pretty extremely boring, as I was not motivated to do anything!!!! OH except I went and got ice cream from a cold stone creamery with my aunty and just visited with her for like three hours! It was lovely! :) Anyway good night my lovelies and studlies, hugs and loves!!!!!

-University Girl

Gladrial????

HEY GUYS!!!!!!!!
I AM SO PUMPED UP RIGHT NOW!!!!! Haha Stud convinced me to join everyone that was going to play laser tag and man am I glad I listened!!!! I had a blast!!! Stud and a couple other guys were a little cocky before, but don't even worry about it, my buddy Superman (but actually a girl) and I put them in their place! ;) We made it our personal missions to hunt them down and shoot them as many times as possible!!! Mission Accomplished!!!! Now I'm sweaty and my tummy hurts though! Also another somewhat sour part of the evening is that I seem to have misplaced my student id card, which is a very very important card to have!!!! It has my food money, it's my key to open the outside doors, and its also my library card..... so ya I gotta find it!!!! ok guys, sorry my mood just crashed and burned, maybe i'll add more later.

see ya,
University Girl

This Blog Didn't Want to be Written!

Guys!!!! I'm fairly certain that this blog wanted another day off! The first time that I was about to start typing up tonight's entry the fire alarm went off for a late night fire drill, meaning I had to run down six flights of stairs! Once I finally came back up stairs after freezing my bum off I was about to open my laptop when a girl in my theology class came to my room desperate for help, after Stud told her that I knew he answers, so her gpa doesn't get ruined! So I happily went upstairs and helped her out! I finally got back to my room to write this blog and  I forgot my password so I had to reset it and then my laptop kept glitching out!!!! Then Crazy J and her secret lover came in and now they are distracting me!!!! ugh!!! ok they left for yet another late night mcdonalds run!

Today I had a very long, napless day! Sitting through a documentary on Athenian democracy first thing in the morning is pure agony!!!! Psych was mind-blowingly interesting though so that was pretty good! My mommy came to visit me, take my laundry and bring me extra snacks today and we visited for a couple hours before she went back home for a meeting, I really enjoy how much we actually talk now as opposed to the very short conversations we used to have when I still lived at home. Then, after my mommy left, I went to the bible study with Logic, ya know, the one Smiles leads? It was actually really interesting and we spent a whole hour talking about the first two verses in the book of 1 Timothy!! We got really in depth on why Paul may have phrased them the way he did and the meanings behind some of the words. I picked a very horrible seating placement though, I sat directly across the table from Smiles! Probably one of the best and worst decisions I could have made, every time he looked at me I couldn't help but smiling, which I eventually started trying to hide because he had to look at me so often, (as I mentioned, we were directly across the table from each other), also I blushed every time he asked me a question or used my name in an example, (he used my name in most of his examples), and I had a combination of a giant smile and a hardcore blush when he commented on one of my answers, saying he had never thought of it that way before. It was horrible! Logic just laughed at me afterwards about how I was still bright red twenty minutes after the meeting was over!!!!! I went up to Stud's room and told him all about it, of course he had to then wink and smile at me, which just makes the blushing return, which then makes him do a super cheesy smile!!! It's a horrible cycle really! :P I hung out with Stud for a bit and we worked (loosely defined work on his part) on theology and then went and looked at the photo scavenger hunt pictures that were finally printed out!!! It was actually a lot of fun!

All in all, today turned out to be a really good day and I get to go home tomorrow to see my Crazy Bonkers Twin!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!!!

Until next time, all my love,


University Girl ;)  

Dreaming the Days Away

Hello fellow dreamers,

hahaha wow what a cheesy way to start this post! Whatever, that's just the mood i'm in today! :) I suppose I should fill you in on my yesterday, it was absolutely wonderful.

Yesterday I woke up early enough to ensure I'd catch the shuttle bus from our school to a church in the city I live in. I went downstairs and sat on the bench in front of my school by myself for a while until I was accompanied by someone else who was also wanting to catch the shuttle, it was Smiles! :) My heart jumped a little, but I contained it so I don't think he heard it, thankfully. We chatted for a bit as more people joined us on the bench until the bus finally came where we slid into the seats and enjoyed small chat until we arrived at the church. I really enjoyed all the songs we sang in worship while watching a lady dance with a flag type thing that was super pretty and the sermon on interruptions was a really insightful look at the meaning of them and how we handle all the seemingly annoying interruptions in our day. (I tend to only welcome the ones that stop me from doing my homework hehe.) After church we piled into a couple cars (no, Smiles was not in my car) and drove to a corn roast the pastor of the church was putting on! We got to enjoy lots of delicious food, including dessert, and I got to know some other people that go to my school. It was a lot of fun!!! Once that was over six of us piled into one guys five person car and drove back to the school! It was squishy, but we jammed out and did a-capella version of lean on me that was super interesting. haha. I spent the next few hours just reviewing my morning and afternoon over and over again until we had floor bonding night, where the people on my floor in residence, (including Smiles) get together and watch an episode of the show Lie to Me. It's kind of ridiculous though cuz I laugh at everything Smiles says, I can't help it! Also, I'm fairly certain that he probably thinks I have some weird medical condition that makes me have a constant blush, because that is honestly all I do when he's around! It's horrible! I just know Stud is gunna notice next time we are all in the same place! After floor bonding I got to give Stud a couple big hugs cuz he ditched me all weekend! (I know right, what a mean friend!!) But, then again, he did make up for it by chillin with me and just having a big talk about everything. :) I forgive you for ditching, Stud.

So, that was my day yesterday, sounds pretty friggin wonderful right? Well, that's because it was! Today, was pretty lame in comparison though. Nothing special really happened, other than me getting upset with Roomie about telling Logic who I liked, that makes me very grumpy! But today was a very uneventful one, unfortunately. I mostly just sat and listened to "Falling for You" by Colbie Caillat on repeat all day and smiled as I daydreamed haha, not very productive, maybe I'll do better tomorrow, probably not though. haha

That's all for now loves,

University Girl

Vodka and Coca-Cola

Hey Guys,

So..... last night was not one of my proudest! Crazy J and Lions Den convinced me that we should go out with a bunch of people and get drunk. We wound up going to this one guys house for pre-drinks before the group went to go bar hopping, before we walked to this guys house we went to the liquor store and bought a two six of  vodka between the three of us. We arrived at the persons house and almost immediately walked to the table. Lions Den grabbed us each a coke out of the fridge and a shot glass, we filled the glasses and took a shot, and chased it with coke then put our shot glasses back down and did it four or five more times. (If you know me, you know I rarely ever drink and when I do it's only ever a couple of coolers.) We finished five or six shots in under twenty minutes then just hung out for a bit until everyone else decided it was time to hit the town. Crazy J had lost her id a while ago so we just got someone to drive us back to our campus where we went and drank a few shots from the bottle in the parking lot before heading into our friends room to hang out with a bunch of people, aka we basically entertained the sober people by how talkative we were and by doing the child pose a bunch of times. One of the guys who's room it was, let's call him Logic, was super helpful and saved me a lot. He went and got me a bottle of water from  my room when I needed it and was the only one who looked after me. I wound up crawling from my seat on the floor to their bathroom and getting sick, I missed the toilet for a second or two, but I'm still considerate when I'm drunk so I cleaned it up and got Logic to make sure I got it all. Once I came back out of the bathroom, I looked up at Logic and he asked if I was done and I just said, yup I sure was. I then asked him to help get me back to my room, so he put out his arm and steadied me until we got to my room where I went straight to my bed and fell asleep, lights on and door wide open. I woke up fairly early this morning and realized my lights were off and my door was closed, thanks again to Logic looking after me. I fell back asleep and woke up with really bad cramps.... yes I drank this much alcohol while a whole lot of blood was leaving my system, and also a slight feeling of light-headedness. Stud came in to laugh at me and apologize for not coming to say good night to me (like he said he would), and to give me a couple hugs before he left to go home for the night. Needless to say, it's been a very long day!
Lesson of the night/ day don't drink 10 straight shots of vodka when you are losing blood because you are a woman, it's just a bad idea.\

All my love,
University Girl

Sad Night

Hello Friends!

I had a fairly decent day that is ending a somewhat sad, lonely night.

I'll start with the good, ok so our university held a big conference that we had to go to and listen to this guy speak about technology becoming so advanced that in the near(ish) future there is a possibility that we will become immortal by transferring our consciousness to computers that will continue forever. It was somewhat interesting, but I was super tired, I attended all day yesterday and decided I would only go to the first seminar thingy this morning then just skip the rest of the day and spend it napping and such. I hung out with my super great friend, Stud, for a bit. I told him about this blog last night and he is desperately trying to figure out who codename: Smiles is and it's really quite entertaining!!!! Hi, Stud, good luck figuring it out! :P Speaking of Smiles, I got to see him multiple times today, including our first small group Bible Study meeting!!! It was good, I'm getting better at finding my voice when he's around. Yay me!
Anyway, Roomie and I got al dressed up, took a bunch of selfies and danced around our room today, needless to say, I was in a really good mood! :P She signed us up for an open mic thing that's taking part next week, which would be cool....... IF I DIDN'T GET CRAZY STAGE FRIGHT WHEN I'M IN FRONT OF ANYONE!!!!!! So, ya I'm freaking out about that! I also met roomies boyfriend, who is a dick, ( sorry for being rude, but he really is.)

The sad part of my night came shortly after she left with him, I've basically just chilled by myself since then and that gives me way too much time to think about sad things. :( One example of these sad things would be that I definitely have little, to no, shot with Smiles. He's way too focused on all his responsibilities (not saying that's bad at all), I get too nervous to talk to him, and we aren't even the same year in school! No chance.... sigh! Also I don't really see myself as something anyone would pursue, and since I'm too nervous to really talk with him, I'm screwed. What do you do when you want something to happen so bad, but you know it won't? Please tell me.

That's all I got for now, sorry I jump around so much.
All my love,

University Girl

My Retreat Weekend!

Hello Friends/ pageviewers/ followers/ aliens (?),

This past weekend, students and leaders from my University College went on a lovely camp/ retreat weekend! I had an absolute blast, but I am now aching and sick from all the activities!!!! Totally Worth It!!!! I had an amazing time and got to chill with lots of super great people! There is so much to say that I really don't know where to start! I suppose I will start with an overview, then dig deeper into my favorite parts, I'll try not to miss anything!

We arrived Friday evening and had a short kick off night, which included two-minute-movies and some group chill time, then we had a fire that night. It was an early morning on Saturday as we had scheduled breakfast time at 8:30. Once breakfast was over, the real fun began, we had some free time to partake in various activities around the camp, which included human foosball, zip lining, rock wall climbing, archery, swimming in the pool, as  well as various other options. We enjoyed a group lunch then had an option to do waterfront time which meant we could go canoeing, kayaking, paddling boating or enjoy a guided boat ride. Everybody enjoyed some dinner then we had a wide game called mission impossible!!!! Another campfire followed all of this and then we went back to our cabins to sleep before the second early morning rise-and-shine! Sunday was a very long day, we enjoyed worship and a mini service, broke up into small groups, then had lunch, a super fun photo scavenger hunt, and about three hours of chill time in which almost everybody was sleeping after such an exhausting weekend! We waited longer than expected for the buses and then were finally on our way back home!!!! All in all it was a really fun, hyper, active, exhausting weekend!

Ok, now the portion you've all been waiting for...... MY FAVORITE PARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO!!!! THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! ok well maybe you're not that excited, but you should be!

I really enjoyed chillin with my new pal, Crazy J, and Timid, making Lions Den participate (he eventually started to enjoy his weekend), zip lining, meeting lots of new people, canoeing with Timid, the creative photo scavenger hunt and somehow winding up in two groups (that were randomly selected) with Smiles!!!

Crazy J and I both live on the same floor in the tower at our school, but we had never really talked much before, we got to bond a lot over the weekend and I'm so thankful because now I have another really good friend who I can actually tell things to! She's really nice, funny, crazy, and just an overall a really chill person to talk to. We hung out all weekend and just had some really awesome times! We also hung out with Timid a lot, but she actually wound up finding some new friends, so I'm really happy for her.

Ok, next on my list is making Lions Den participate. It started out by little things like getting to join in a game of human foosball (which is a super fun game that I wound up playing for like a whole hour!!!!) and then he just gradually started getting more involved in other activities, making new friends and started really enjoying himself, so I got to say "I told you so" which was completely wonderful! haha.

I have always enjoyed zip lining, so I was super happy that this camp had one set up, Crazy J and I each went down and really enjoyed it! I also got to have a bunch of random conversations with my classmates, which I was really happy about because it made me feel like I kinda actually fit in this community and that I'm gunna have a really great year! Timid and I enjoyed the canoeing for a little while, she laughed almost the entire time because I kept overpowering her and steering the canoe in different directions to the point where she just stopped paddling and I steered us back to the dock, I must say, I was feeling pretty strong. haha.

For the creative photo scavenger hunt we were randomly counted off into 15 different groups and each group was given a disposable camera and a list of pictures they had to take! I really had a lot of fun doing this because our group really thought out all the different pictures and had a lot of fun getting to know each other and capturing all the silly moments. This is one of the groups that Smiles and I both wound up in, I've obviously learned to kinda control the crazy heart rate and breathing issues, in order to chill with him. :P We did lots of crazy fun pictures, including one where Smiles had to jump into the pool multiple times while catching a Frisbee, it was really funny and he was a really good sport about it. :)

The other group we were randomly put into together was two-minute-movies. In this game your group was given twenty minutes to plan a two minute re-enactment of a movie that was assigned to you, our group got Anchorman. It was pretty funny and I think everyone really enjoyed it, I know I did. :)

But, I think that's all for now. Thanks for reading!

Lots of Love,

University Girl

p.s. do you think that dragon scales possess magical powers?

One Lovely Wednesday

hey ladies and/or gents!

How is everyone out there in blogland? my day was absolutely lovely, excluding a couple rough patches, I was in an absolutely wonderful mood from the moment I woke up this morning and I just thought to myself, "yes, this is gunna be a great day!" .....and I was definitely right!

I began my day, as I usually do, by waking up and getting ready for class. I had already decided what I was going to look like last night, so this was a simple task. I put my hair in a side pony with loose curls, did "natural looking makeup," (is there really such a thing as natural makeup?) and put on a cute new dress with my black flats with bows on them. I must admit, I felt super adorable!!! So once that was all finished, I got my books together and headed out the door, just as Roomie was getting out of bed. I made my way down to English class where my commuter friend, let's call her Tep (she's in my theology, English, and psych classes), agreed that I looked super cute today, which absolutely had me beaming! Once the fifty minute block of English was over, I faced a four hour break between then and my next class, theology. But not to worry, there is so much to do at my school it is INSANE!!!!! So I found myself going to chapel to enjoy the worship music and stories about one ladies trip to Kenya, which was super interesting!  My good mood didn't fade in the slightest so I ran up to my room to dance to the song that was stuck in my head, "I'm Walking on Sunshine!" So I danced my heart away and ran to theology to sit with Tep and my other commuter friend, Timid. I was way to hyper for the class so Tep and I just sat and wrote funny pictures and captions in our notes! Theology slowly passed and I went to the club fair and signed up for a couple clubs that I'm sure I'll inform you all of as the year goes on.

There's something I have been keeping from you, my readers, and it has to do with a boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!? Did I just say I've been keeping boy info from you, my possibly faithful readers???? Why, yes I did, but have no fear! the information is here! hehe.

Ok so for the purposes of this blog, I will now and forever (maybe) refer to him as Smiles. :) He smiles a lot and it's really a super great smile, so ya that's my blog code name for him. Now I met Smiles on my first day moving to my university and I instantly got little butterflies and it drove me crazy!!! I really can't explain why I act, or react, when he's around. For example, today, as I was leaving chapel I noticed he was leaving at the same time and wound up walking right behind me, I got so nervous, my heart started racing, and I had to focus on my breathing, just so the people around me wouldn't think I had some medical issue that needed attention!!! I literally had to go up to my room, calm myself down, collect my thoughts and drink a yogurt thing before I could even face more people! I can honestly say, I've never reacted that way to anyone before. Wait!!! It gets stranger still..... I also went to an evening chapel this evening (Lion's Den and Roomie wouldn't go with me, so I wound up arriving alone :(. ) and within a minute or two of sitting down on one of the comfy lounge chairs, Smiles walked over to me and started asking me about my day and my courses, and flashing that super amazing smile at me, and I stayed perfectly calm!!! What the heck??????? If anyone can explain these happenings to me, I welcome you to comment or message me somehow because I would love to know!

But that's all for tonight folks,
lots of love,
University Girl :)

First Day Jitters?

Hey, it's University Girl here!!! Ok, so today was my first day of actual university classes!!!!! And oh was it exciting! :P Today I had history (which, in general, I hate) and psychology (which in general I am absolutely infatuated with!!!!!) Here's the crazy thing, though.... I'm not fascinated by the classes, it's the people I am absolutely lovin' on! I'm meeting so many interesting and new people, it's super great! So far I have made friends with quite a few people, but as some of my blogging friends do, I will make up code names for them! The two I am closest with so far will be referred to as Lions Den and, for lack of an imagination atm, Roomie! Roomie is obviously my roommate and it is kinda creepy how similar we are!
Similarities between Roomie and I include: being crazy, loving rugby, being social, being creepers, never looking nice in pictures, and more!
We are gunna be pretty great roommates so I'm glad she's not my complete opposite and it's awkard, which is the case between Lions Den and his roommate. Lions Den and his roommate don't even talk cuz they have close to nothing in common, talk about awkward!!!!!! hehe Roomie and I keep trying to get them to be best friends, hasn't worked yet, but I will keep you updated! This is the beginning of Sixth Floor Fun Times with Roomie, Lions Den, and I!!!

Lots of love!!!!!\


-University Girl (signing off for the very first time :D)

that's roomie and I yesterday :)