The title of this blog post comes from an English project I did in grade twelve, some friends and I made a movie where nothing was as it seemed and everyone was leading some sort of double life, I think this describes my university experience so far fairly accurately. The people I thought would be my besties... well turns out it's not what I expected. One unloads her sob story of a life to everyone she talks to and is constantly reminding everyone of her hardships to the point where nobody wants to hear about it anymore and it drives me crazy! Part of her story is how she has a job, goes to treatments, AND is taking six classes so the typical reaction she gets from people is one of awe at how hard she works and how strong she is, in reality I know she is constantly calling in sick to work, she skipped her last treatment and she never goes to class because she manipulates her teachers into feeling bad for her and constantly giving her extensions and not caring that she doesn't show up to class. I am constantly fighting myself because of how unfair this is, I am here busting my a$$ to get the best marks I can get as well as trying to serve and keep up with my faith life all while fighting to keep my depression from re-entering my life, but nobody feels bad for me because a) I don't want them to and b) I don't go putting my hardships on display to get attention and pity from everyone around me! Ugh!!! She's driving me crazy! And then there is the one person who I thought "hey maybe I'll get to be really good friends with them and we can be there to help each other out or chat or whatever." I was wrong again, guys! :/ This person just uses me for quiz answers and the food in my cupboard, they don't really give a damn about what's going on in my life, especially if this person's friends are waiting or they feel they have something better to do or maybe I just bore them, who knows? Needless to say I'm trying to build friendships with people who actually seem to care and just sit in my room wishing for a couple of my old friends from back home, I miss them so much, at least back home I knew who was there for me and who had more important things. Needless to say, my depression isn't getting much better, but I am fighting it still cuz I refuse to let these people drag me back into that seemingly eternal dark valley of self harm and hatred. I can't go back there. Anyway, that's gotta be all for now, I have lots of work and studying to do, I'm in the middle of midterm season! Wish me luck and prayers are appreciated!
Sincerely,
University Girl
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